Our Hearts Lead Us Back

NOTE: Narrator, for a long duration of the story, is 15, so I tried to write it like a 15 year old would recall it. So bear with me, as I know it is certainly not the most brilliant prose you’ve ever read!

Chapter 1
Late August ‘02

I ambled through the glass doors, not exactly overly enthusiastic about my first on-campus meal of the new school year. Hooray. I slammed my tray down, getting a Belgian waffle saturated in sugar, and a few strips of bacon. I poured my glass of orange juice and sauntered to find a table. I hated moving in early, the cafeteria was empty. This was my second year at Shattuck. I was originally from McKeesport, a small town outside of Pittsburgh, but my dad’s job had relocated us here sixteen months ago. I started walking over to a cozy booth which was basked in the hot August sun. I heard a voice to my left, “And this is the most popular cafeteria on campus…” I turned my head and smiled. My friend Jen, a junior and a tour guide, was talking to a small group. It looked like a family: a muscular man, a petite woman, a cute guy my age and a little girl. “Hi Anna!” She waved as I walked past. I replied, “Hey Jen, good to see you.”
“How’s the food?” The woman asked me as I stopped, and all of their glances fell to my tray.
“It’s pretty good, actually,” I said.
“That’s good to hear,” the boy said. I got a closer look at him- dark hair, dark eyes and a timid smile. I smiled back at him and kept walking to my booth. After destroying my waffle, I walked back up to the dorm. There, I saw the family Jen had been with. They were hugging the boy. Oh. He was a new student, moving onto campus early.
I saw the Nova Scotia license plate on their car and a hockey sticker. Christ, was he a hockey player? I knew how good our team was, had even gone to most of the games last year. Wow. I went in the side door to give them privacy and ascended the steps to my dorm.
Chapter 2
Three days later

I walked into History and joined the rest of the class standing in the back of the room while Mrs. Warrick assigned seats. My best friend Emily was seated first. A few names later, I heard “Crosby, Row 2, Seat 3.” I scanned the room. Crosby? That was a new one. I saw a boy saunter over to the second row, third seat. When he lifted his head, our eyes met and he smiled. Why did he look so familiar? I racked my brain, trying to remember, when I heard “Kahler, Row 1, Seat 3.” Oh crap. I walked over to the seat next to him and dropped my books on the desk with a thud.
The girl in front of me, Janice, turned around and we made small talk about our summer while the rest of the class was seated.
I dropped my pen and went to lean down to get it, but the boy across the aisle was quicker.
“Here you go,” he said, handing it to me.
“Thank you,” I said. Where did I know him from?
“So you were right about the food. It is pretty good.” He said, a twinkle in his eye.
“What?” I stared at him a moment, and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. “Oh! Yeah, it is. You were the guy in Jen’s tour group!”
“Yep. I’m Sidney Crosby, nice to meet you.”
“Anna Kahler.”.
He offered his hand and I shook it. Strong and warm, a tingle shot up my arm. Easy now!
“Funny that you’re in my class, right across the aisle from me,” I said, smiling. He wasn’t as cute as I remembered.
“Yeah. Where do you live?”
“Brute.”
“Same.”
“I know.”
“You know? What are you, a stalker?” He said, laughing. I giggled as well and went to respond when Mrs. Warrick called the class to order.
“I saw you outside the dorm, like 20 minutes after we talked in the cafeteria.” I whispered.
“Oh. I’m 2nd floor.”
“I’m 3rd,”I said, grinning.
“Anna. Are you going to be my little chatterbox all year long?” Mrs. Warrick said, glaring at me over her rimmed glasses.
“No. I’m sorry.” I said, blushing, putting my head down. I saw Sidney smirking out of the corner of my eye.
When the bell rang, I looked at him. “You better not keep getting me in trouble, Mister!”
He chuckled, “I’ll do my best.”
Just then Adam Gabler shuffled over to Sidney and introduced himself as a “huge hockey fan. I’m so glad you’re here, dude.” Hmm. Was Sidney that good of a hockey player?

Chapter 3
I was rooming with my friend Claire that year. I shuffled into our room and started doing my Algebra II homework. Three hours later, Claire said to me, “Oh, I met this guy Jack today. He’s in my English class. We’re going to dinner with him and his roommate. We’re meeting them in fifteen.”
I nodded, “Okay.” I finished writing my Spanish homework and Claire and I walked out to the front of the dorm minutes later. I saw Sidney waiting by the benches with a tall, blonde kid I didn’t recognize.
“Oh, there’s Jack!” Claire said, dragging me over to where Sidney was.
“Hey!” The blonde kid called.
“Hi Jack,” Claire responded, giving him a hug.
“Hey,” Sidney said to me.
“Hey you,” I grinned. Small world.
Jack and Claire went to introduce us, but we waved them off. “We know each other,” I said.
“Way to go!” Jack said, slapping Sidney’s shoulder. Sid blushed.
“What’s going on?” Claire said, turning to me with a smirk on her face.
“I have no idea. Sidney’s in my history class.”

The four of us ambled over to dinner, Jack and Claire arm-in-arm.
“Is something going on there?” Sidney asked, as we walked behind them.
“I think so. She didn’t say much, but what she did say spoke volumes…”
“Hm.” Sidney said.
We talked the whole way over to dinner and the four of us settled into a booth. Claire and I were in awe over the immense amount of food piled onto Sidney and Jack’s trays.
“So you play hockey too?” Claire asked Sidney.
“Yeah, this is my first year here.”
“Wow. So you must be really good.”
“He’s a scrub.” Jack interjected.
“Screw you,” Sid said.
“Actually,” Jack said, in between large mouthfuls, “I’m only on the team to make sure no one beats this scrawny kid’s butt.”
We all laughed, and Sid shook his head, “Not true.”
“I can’t wait to see you guys play,” I said.
Sidney swiveled his head over to look at me, “You a fan?”
“Yeah. I went to a lot of games last year.”
“Well I want you at every home game this year,” Jack said. “We’re going to be the shit.”
I laughed as he and Sidney pounded fists.
“Boys,” Claire said, stars in her eyes as she looked at one of them.


Jack and Sidney headed off after to dinner for an off-ice hockey meeting.
“Sidney’s cute,” Claire remarked.
“Yeah.” I said listlessly.
“Do you like him?”
“No.”
Claire looked at me, and followed my gaze.
“Oh no, Anna. No. No. No.”

Chapter 4
“He’s so hot,” I breathed.
Zach Malone was walking towards us. The hottest junior on campus looked right at me and nodded his head.
After he’d glided past us, I clutched Claire’s arm.
“Anna. No. He’s a player! A man whore! No!”
“He’s gorgeous.”
“It’ll never happen. Forget it.”
“He’s in my history class, it will.”
“He’s in your history? How?”
“I’m ahead, and he’s behind, for our respective years.”
“Oh yeah, isn’t he really dumb?”
“I’m not prejudiced against dumb people, Claire. I’m friends with you.”
“Screw you!” She said, pushing my arm. We linked arms and laughed back to our dorm.

I plopped onto my bed and dialed my house, my sister Sara (college in Philly), sister Becky (college in Virginia), Jake (college in DC) and my grandparents.

Chapter 5
Two weeks later
Sid and I had a great friendship. He was a very easygoing guy and great to talk to. He was devoted to hockey and his schoolwork and we often had study groups.
Claire, Jackie, Grace and Betsy and I were having lunch in the cafeteria one day when Alicia Lane walked up to us. The look on her face let us know she detested having to be so near to us, who fell so below her on the high school popularity chart.
“Anna. Are you going out with Sid?”
“Sidney Crosby?”
“Yeah.”
“No.”
“Didn’t think so. So he’s single?”
“As far as I know.”
“Good. I couldn’t tell, with you hanging all over him all the time. Okay, good to know, bye hun.” With a wave, she teetered off in her skyhigh heels.
“Slut,” Jackie muttered.
“Seriously.”
“You don’t hang all over him, what is she talking about?”
“She’s just trying to make you feel like you’re desperate over him, so maybe you’ll back off.”
“She’s so transparent.”
I sighed, “She’s a waste of space.”
“Basically.”

As I was throwing out my tray, Sid walked up next to me, pinching my waist.
“Hey you!” I said.
“What’s up?”
“Do you know Alicia Lane?”
“That ugly bitch that’s staring you down right now?”
I sighed, without looking, I knew his story was probably true. “Yeah.”
“What about her? She’s always around, asking me about hockey.”
“Hockey?” I choked out, “she doesn’t know anything about it, I bet.”
“True. She asked how many touchdowns I scored per game.”
At my expression, we both burst into laughter.
“What’d you tell her?” I asked.
“Three.”
“Haha, you’re evil!” I said, punching his arm.
“She’s annoying.”
“Well she asked me if you were single. And told me I look desperate when I drape myself all over you.”
“You do.”
“Not.” I looked at him impishly and jumped on his back as we sauntered out the door.
He chuckled, “You are so desperate.”

One week later

I was walking out of history class with Sidney when Zach Malone tapped me on the shoulder.
“Hey Annie.”
I saw Sidney smirk and roll his eyes and glared at him. He knew how much I liked Zach.
“Hi Zach,” I said, blushing.
“Are you good at this stuff?”
“I’m pretty good, why?”
“I need a tutor, and you’re my first choice.”
“Really? I mean, oh yeah, I can probably help you. I’m pretty busy, though.”
“I know you are,” he said, slinging an arm around my shoulder.
We arranged to meet in his dorm at 6 every Thursday. After we had the misfortune of parting (“See ya Annie”, he said! How sweet), I ran up to Sidney.
“Oh my God! Can you believe it?” I shrieked, punching him on the arm.
“Seriously?” Sidney stopped walking and looked at me.
“What? I’m going to tutor him! Oh my God! I love my life.”
“Anna. Get real. He doesn’t even know your name.”
“It’s probably his nickname for me.”
“What? You’re crazy. He said you were his first choice. What a prick.”
“I was his first choice, how romantic.”
“There’s something wrong with you. There are not millions of rumors about the kid for no reason, Anna. He’s no good.”
“You don’t know him, Sid!” I was getting mad now.
“Neither do you!”
“He needs my help!”
“He wants your ass!” Sidney yelled.
“SO? He’s Zach Malone!”
“You are unbelievable. Un-freaking-believable.”
“So are you.”
“Don’t come crying to me when he rapes you while you’re talking about World War II.” He said, walking briskly.
“I can’t believe you just said that!” I was furious now, how dare he. “You of all people would know that rumors are just.. RUMORS!”
Sidney whirled around. “Anna, people don’t invent rumors about rape for the hell of it. You don’t mess around with that stuff! You’re not taking it seriously!”
“Yeah, well,” I crossed my arms, “If the rumors were true, don’t you think they would have pressed charges?”
“They left the school, the state, before they could finish a full investigation! You’re acting like such a dumbass right now, I can’t even talk to you.”
“OH I’m the dumbass?” I said, stomping away from him, “I hate you.”
“I hate you!”


Three months later

Zach poured me another shot. Oh my. What was that? Five or six. Oh well. This was the biggest party, the school sponsored, unsupervised, Spring Fling afterparty held in the gym, of the year and I was here with the hottest guy in school. I downed the shot. This was my moment. I was the center of attention and had the envy of every girl in the room.
“That’s my girl!” Zach said, slinging his arm around my shoulder.
“Yeah!” I said.
I was having so much fun. Tutoring Zach had been the best decision ever. He was sooo nice. He held open doors for me ,walked me back to my dorm after our tutoring sessions. Sidney was so wrong.
Ah yes, Sidney. We hadn’t spoke since our fight. He was here tonight, looking dapper. He was lighting the hockey world on fire, and Shattuck was going to win another championship, thanks to him. I’d been to games, seen his family there occasionally. But we still weren’t talking.
“Hey Annie, finish my beer, love, will you?” Zach’s friend Shawn said.
“Sure,” I took it and swallowed a big gulp. Annie was my moniker to all his friends. It was so cute.
“You’ve got a fucking winner right here, Malone!” Shawn said.
“I know, I know,” Zach said, kissing my cheek sloppily. I took another big swallow of Shawn’s beer. I was really feeling dizzy now.
I saw Sidney, who had come without a date, take to the floor with Alicia Lane. I took another big swallow of my beer. I didn’t know who I hated more at the moment; Alicia or Sidney. I watched for a few minutes, sipping my beer and finishing it off. As I saw Sidney lean in to whisper something to Alicia, I felt a lump in my throat. Oh God.
“I gotta go throw up,” I said to Zach.
“Aw shit. Baby,” he said. I ran out of the auditorium to the lobby. I rushed into the girl’s bathroom. Zach followed behind me, locking the door.
I began puking and puking, and it felt like it would never end. Zach was kneeling right next to me, fingering the edges of my dress.
“Anna?” I heard a voice say.
“Claire!” I whispered, raising my head a little.
The door swung open.
“Oh, Anna,” Claire said, rushing to my side. I ignored her for my new friend- the toilet, upheaving even more.
“Anna?” I heard another voice say. It was deeper than Claire’s.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
I raised my head. Sidney.
“Here,” he grabbed a sheet of toilet paper and wiped my face. “I brought a pretzel,” Claire said, “try and eat it.”
I took a small bite, and leaned my head against the wall. “Ugh.”
“Babe, you really gotta just jam your finger down your throat and get it all out.” Zach said.
“No!” Claire and Sidney shouted at the same time.
“It’s better that way, dipshits. It all gets out of her system.”
“It’s also dangerous and unhealthy,” Claire said.
I felt another wave rise in me and was back over the toilet bowl. Sidney scooted over and held my forehead so I wouldn’t repeatedly slam it against the toilet.
As I rose my head a little, I felt Zach move. He shoved his finger down my throat.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Sidney shouted, clearly angry.
I threw up even more, this time feeling weaker.
“You don’t fucking know anything, asshole.” Zach responded, shoving Sidney, who grabbed the toilet paper dispenser to stop himself from falling into me.
“Stop it!” Claire shrieked.

Ten minutes later, I emerged from the bathroom, with Zach’s arm around my waist, assuring Sidney and Claire I was fine, fine, fine and was going to bed.
“I’ll walk her up,” Zach said gallantly. He carried me up the stairs and placed me on bed.
“Thanks. Bye,” I whispered, closing my eyes. Imagine my shock when he slipped into bed next to me, removing his shirt. He lifted my dress over my head, unhooked my bra and slipped my panties down to my ankles.
“Zach. No.” I said, shaking my head.
“Shhhhh, Anna.”
“No! I don’t – no, no, no,” I said, feeling frantic as he climbed on top of me. He started kissing me, and confused, I kissed back.
“That’s my girl, you know you like it, you know you don’t wanna say no,” he whispered, the smell of beer on his breath making me want to vomit again. He took off his pants and felt his way between my thighs.
“No, no, no, Zach, no, not now, no!” I shrieked. Just then my room door banged open.
There stood Sidney, with a crying Claire behind him, holding our room key.
“Get the fuck out of here before I call the cops,” Sidney said, struggling to keep his voice under control.
“Chill, homo.” Zach said, pulling up his pants. I pulled my covers over me and looked at the wall.
I started crying and Claire rushed over, cradling me in her arms.
“I, I, I, almost, oh my God, I almost…. I told him no, Claire, I did, I did, I didn’t want it.”
“I know, Anna, we heard outside the door while I tried to find my damn keys.” Claire said. I lay, crying in her arms, eventually falling asleep, not even noticing when Sidney slipped out of the room.

I’d dreaded Monday all weekend, but it wasn’t that bad. Some knew that I had drank too much and had gotten sick. I was too embarrassed to face Sidney so I’d skipped History that day. I was lying on my bed, doing Spanish homework, when I heard a sharp knock on our door. Claire was out with Jack so I rose to answer it.
“Where the hell were you today?” Sidney asked, storming in to the room.
“I didn’t feel like going.”
“Well, I worried! I thought you were having some sort of breakdown or something from Friday night.”
“Thanks for your concern, but can we not talk about it?”
“Fine. But just let me know that you’re okay, you’re fine, so I can sleep at night!”
“You haven’t been sleeping?”
“I haven’t seen you, so I’ve been like a worried mother chicken!” I grinned at his confusion of the popular phrase.
“Oh, I’m glad you think this is funny. Well it’s fucking not, Anna. None of it is. Malone is so lucky he’s alive right now.” He looked so genuinely concerned, so enraged, I had to fight to hold back another smile.
“I know. You’re so good to me and I’ve been acting like an ass. I know. I’m so sorry, Sid. You’re the best.” I reached out and hugged him. I felt him stiffen, but eventually he put his arms around me. “I think you saved my life the other night,” I whispered.

He let go of me and put his hands on his hips, causing me to break out in a fit of giggles. “I don’t want to say it, but ….. I told you so!” I punched his arm.
He grabbed it and looped it around his waist, “Let’s go to dinner.”


Three Years Later
I sat down on the bed and turned on the TV. There he was, giving a press conference, talking about the team and his hopes for his first season here. He’d grown up so much, but I still saw the glint he got in his eyes when he talked about hockey.
I turned away to finish unpacking as my new roommate bounced in.
“Sidney Crosby? Damn, he is so hot.” Emily and I just might get along, based on the fact that we agreed on that same fact.

Sidney left Shattuck after the school year ended. Some QHMJL league or something. He got drafted #1, which was no surprise to me or anybody. I'd made my appearances at his home games, after we'd made up, sporting his away jersey and the envy of all the girls. We had kept in touch for a little less than a year after he’d left Shattuck. The night before he left, he kissed my cheek and told me we’d always be friends. I’d counted on it until life got too busy for him. He was a big star in Canada, and now, he was about to become a big star here in the US.
I had just moved into my new digs, the Towers, at the University of Pittsburgh. I’d decided to come back “home” for my college education. Note: I have also become a better writer than I was since I last wrote, back in 2002. I haven’t seen Zach Malone since he graduated. I heard he's away at college in the South, playing football. The rumor mill also reported a girl down there filed charges against him for rape. Good for her.

But imagine my delight when I heard, a few days after it happened, that Sid would be moving to Pittsburgh with me! I was dying to see him, and hoped I would soon. His e-mail address had changed since we’d last wrote.

I felt really homesick and wanted a familiar face. I went on the Penguins website, jotted down a number and went outside in the hall where I got better service.
“Pittsburgh Penguins, how can I help you?”
“Hi, my name is Anna. I’m a friend of Sidney Crosby’s and I’ve lost his contact info over the years. I’d really like to get in touch with him, so I was wondering if you could give it to me?”
“You and every other female in this town want that info and pretend to be his friend, hon. I can’t give it to you.”
Click.
I stared at the phone. Was I really expecting her to just nonchalantly give me their new star rookie's phone number? I should have guessed everybody would want a piece of him. Oh well. The ‘Burgh wasn’t that big of a town, surely I’d see him around?

November 2007

We’d just walked into Shep’s on a cold November morning. As usual, the place was overflowing with people.
“Oh, look, that table with the 4 guys is leaving!” Jen said. I turned, four guys were getting up, walking with their check towards the cashier.
“Oh my God, it’s the Penguins! Whitney, Fleury, Crosby and Staal!” Kelly whispered, punching my arm, as I used to do to somebody who was now walking towards me.
I ducked my head behind Kelly, and regretted it the minute I moved. But it was a moot point. He’d seen me.
His face registered shock, and then disbelief.
“Anna?”
“Hey there!” I said, stepping out from behind Kelly, who was practically jumping up and down, being so near the guy she’d professed to love for so long.
“What the – How? Why?” He was stuttering.
“So it’s finally happened. Too many pucks to the brain?” I teased.
He grinned, “Shut up.”
I punched his arm, “Just like old times.”
“Wow, that’s hot,” a voice behind Sid deadpanned, “Random, hot chick wants to punch him five seconds after meeting him.”
Sid turned around, “Shut up Whitters.”
“How long have you been here? In Pittsburgh?”
“I came back for college.”
“Pitt?”
“Yeah.”
“Wow! And I haven’t seen you all this time.”
“I’ve been at games.”
“You have?”
“Yeah. I even made a sign to try and get your attention.”
“What did it say?”
“Put it in my five hole, Sidney!”
At that, his teammates started cracking up, while Sid and I cracked smiles.
“Very funny. I always knew you wanted me.” He said.
“Ha! You wish!” I said.
“Well, I don’t want to deprive you of nutrition, but I want to hang out.”
“Here,” I said, grabbing a business card from the front desk. I wrote my number.
“Hold on, hold on. You gave way too many guys fake numbers before.” Wagging a finger at me, he smirked.
“Call it then.”
He dialed it, and I showed him my ringing phone.
“Fine. Expect a phone call.”
“I’ll be waiting,” I said.
He grinned. “It’s great to see you again, Anna.”
“You too, Sid.”

Two days later

I smoothed my dress. “Does it look okay?”
“You look fierce!” Kelly said. I swept my hair back, much to the outburst of my friends.
“I don’t want to look too dressed up. We’re just friends going to dinner!” I said.
They protested, but the casual updo stayed. Sid knocked at approximately 8, holding a pencil.
I started laughing.
“Six years too late,” he said.
“The pencil I lent you for your math final that you never gave back!” I looked at it, “But this isn’t the exact one?”
“Oh my God,” he said. “Who cares! I even sharpened it for you!”
I giggled as I set it on the coffee table. “Well, thank you.”

We went to dinner and sat for hours, talking about how funny it was, where life had led us. We mentioned the good old Shattuck days, bemoaning teachers, classmates and reliving those moments that still made us smile.
“Even when we lost touch, I knew I’d run into you again,” I said.
“You did? Why?” He said.
I didn’t want to give too much away, so I just shrugged. “I just knew.”
“Well I’m glad you were right,” he said, smiling at me. I felt my heart pounding, but smiled back.

He walked me to my door after dinner, and we sat down on the front step, continuing our conversation. And when it stopped, he turned his head and looked at me, really looked at me.
“Anna,” he said, shaking his head, “You’re even more beautiful to me now than you were back then.”
“Back then? What do you mean?”
He leaned back, looking up at the sky, and then he turned to me again.
“I’m going to do something I’ve wanted to do since I’ve met you,” he said, cupping my chin in his hand. He drew my face closer, closer, closer, to his before he started bringing his own along to meet me. I had an inkling of what he was going to do, so I whispered, “I’ve wanted it to.”
“But you probably have no idea of how much I wanted it.”
And when our lips touched, I scooted closer to him, pressing my mouth more fully against his.
“Maybe you do,” he agreed with a chuckle when we broke apart, and seconds later, we were kissing again.
“There’s only one thing to do now,” he said, impishly.
“What?” I said, thinking if he’d said that jumping off a bridge was a good idea, I would have heartily agreed with him.
“We need Belgian waffles,” he said. He pulled me up and started kissing me again.
“Then we can really come full circle,” I whispered, not sure if he heard me, but not really caring, as we stood under the moonlight.